Tuesday, November 29, 2011

This blog is to help life souls. Today there a soul that has needed some lifting, my own. This song has been in my head all day. I don't like it when I feel down. And it is usually no one else's fault but my own. I just get in a funk and get lost there. I cry and get angry and I snap at the ones I love. My patience is thin and I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. These kind of days are not fun at all. I want them gone, and buried deep.

I have struggled with my image since I had my first child. I grew up being the kind of girl that could inhale an entire pizza without a thought or care, because there was no consequence. I did not need to watch what I ate or worry about how many calories I ate each day. But now............ well that carefree part of my life is over. Oh how I took for granted the scrumptiousness of my youth!

Not only has my image been a struggle, I struggle with missing a dear friend. You know who you are. I miss this friend like crazy, and seriously long for the day when we can laugh and hug and just talk to each other face to face. I seriously miss you!

There are also times when I know I have failed at being a mother. I hate those moments when I know I have gotten angry when I shouldn't. And when that happens I feel so defeated and troubled. Sometimes I wish I lived near a warm sandy beach so I could just go take a breath, watch the sun go down and unwind. But I can't even go on my back porch without freezing to death! Oh Utah, we have a love hate relationship.

So now the question is, when we feel like this, how do we get ourselves out of it? How do we slap ourselves in the face and say, GET OVER IT! It is a simple answer, but not always an easy action. Give our troubles to the Lord. And we need to remember what matters most. This next video I have on here is one that lifted my soul today. I hope know that you are loved. And remember that there are things that matter more than our weight, how much money we have, how big our house is, if we have nice cars or whether we can afford nice clothes or not. There are things that matter far more than all those things. And if we can give our troubles to the Lord, he will help remind us of those things.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Giveaway Time!

Ok lets try this again......I am giving away a $10.00 Gift Card to Chili's! Who wants it? We are going to make this easier this time!

1-You MUST follow my blog.

2-You MUST like this blogs FB page, there is a link on the top right corner of the screen.

3-You MUST share this on your FB page.

4-You MUST leave me a comment on this post telling me you did these 3 things.

I will randomly select the lucky winner Friday Dec. 2!

GOOD LUCK! And have fun!

Thursday, November 24, 2011


On facebook everyone has been saying what they are thankful for daily. I have not done that this year, because I was going to wait and make a post for this wonderful day of Thanksgiving.

So HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all my readers! I have so much to be thankful for. I have 2 beautiful daughters, and wonderful husband and wonderful family and friends both near and far! I am blessed.

I am thankful to those pilgrims that came to a new land and settled in the wonderful country I am blessed to call my home. I am thankful for for my fore fathers who sacrificed so much to make this country free. I am thankful for the soldiers who have given there lives for this country and the ones who have and who currently serve to protect us all.

I am so very Thankful to my Savior who gave his life to save us all! He is my best friend, my Redeemer and Savior. I am eternally grateful for everything my Heavenly Father and my Savior have given me. I am blessed beyond measure and my cup runeth over.

I am so very thankful for the Temple and the blessings it has brought to my life. And for the covenants I have been able to make for myself, with my husband and God. And for the opportunity it gives those who have already passed on. I am thankful for my Ancestors that led the way for my family to come together.

And again, I am so VERY THANKFUL for my family, my 2 deliciously sweet little girls, my amazing and devoted husband, my amazing parents, my brothers and sisters, my awesome in'laws and the family they have given me. I am so thankful for all of them.

I am so very thankful for all things in my life, the good, the bad and the wonderful. And I am thankful for the many wonderful examples I have in my life. There are to many of you to name. I love you all.

I hope you enjoy this video. It is a wonderful one to watch on such a wonderful day of Thanksgiving.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Postpartum Depression/Anxiety Old post from now private blog.

This is a blog post that I wrote on a now private blog. But I feel that this is a post that should be public, so that if it can help someone else, they can be helped. That is the only reason.


Postpartum Depression/Anxiety

I have been contemplating on whether or not I wanted to write about this, but I feel it may help me in the long run. I believe that being honest about this is a good thing and will help me heal faster. So if you have not figured it out, I have been suffering from this horrible condition called Postpartum Depression. And the anxiety is just a lovely additive. The anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks one night...and I have not been able to make it go away as I would like to. Why the anxiety? Honestly, I don't know the real cause. Maybe because two children has proven to be harder than I imagined, or maybe because this week Gerritt has to go back to work. Or maybe it is just part of the depression. I am not real sure.
Along with this depression, it has made me feel like I am failing as a mother, I am told everyday that I am not, and I am trying to listen to those who are telling me this. The anxiety makes me feel physically impaired. It makes me feel detached from my life. My wonderful life as I have known it. The worst part of all, is because of this sickness, and yes it is a real sickness, I have not wanted to hold, talk to, or feed my baby. I hate to admit this, and it makes me feel evil, and horrible, but like I said, I feel that being honest will be healing. Don't get me wrong I love my baby. But with this problem I am faced with, that love is harder to feel and see. And it has been devastating to me. And I cry about it often. I feel like I am all alone.......I know I am not, but that doesn't change the way I feel. I wonder had I not gotten so sick a week after she was born, and had to spend a night in the hospital away from her....would I be going through this now? My body has not healed as fast as it did with Meagan, my body has been weak, and ill. And I wonder if that is the true cause of all this, including my hormones going crazy...I mean I did just have a baby about 3 weeks ago, I shouldn't expect to be 100% yet. But this has been harder for me than I planned and thought it would be.
So yes I admitted this to my Dr. I was honest and asked for help. I was given Zoloft and told to take 1/2 a pill everyday, unless I felt I needed more. Well when the anxiety hit, I was told to take a whole pill everyday, and for the anxiety xanax is what I have been prescribed. I feel it is important to admit this. I have been someone who has advised others to take medicine for depression/anxiety, because if it is going to make you feel better, then why not take it. It is no different than someone that needs to take blood pressure meds everyday. But for some reason, when it is a mental thing, people tend to feel ashamed and less of a person. I am here to admit, I have felt less of a person, because I have not been able to function as I am used to. But I also know that these medicines will help me function again. And so therefore I am going to take them and not be ashamed of it.
For those who may have suffered from this...your advice is welcomed, and for those who may not have suffered from this, I hope you are understanding and kind about this trial I face. I look forward to the day when I wake up, and I am whole again. That will be a liberating day. Until then I am just taking it all one day at a time. Forcing myself to do the things, my mind and body don't feel like doing. Talking to my sweet baby and getting to know her. Trying to enjoy my 2 year old and reminding her that I love her everyday. Trying to get out of the house and doing things that feel normal, or make me feel more alive. I am trying, and for now that is all I can do. I try to be strong, and I try to remind myself that this to shall pass. I asked "Why do I have to go through this? It just is not fair!" And I still think that it is not fair. But I try to remind myself that maybe, just maybe this is something I have to go through.......maybe I can help someone else.
I have been blessed with a wonderful support system. A family there when I need them, making sure I am not alone if I feel I can't be. A husband who is understanding that I can't help the way I feel, and that I am trying and wanting to be better and to be myself. A husband who says, do what you can to feel better, and doesn't push me to do things I feel I cannot, except eat.....I am forced to eat. My mother is constantly reminding me of my good qualities, reminding me that I am not failing, that I will get through this, and it will all feel normal. And so many more who would do whatever I ask. I have been blessed, and this is something I try to remind myself of.
I also know, that I can find complete healing through my Savior. I know that he understands my pain and suffering, and that he is there to heal me. And as much as I would like to be like the woman who just touched his clothes and was healed, I know I must find healing within myself, I must have strength and faith to receive the healing power of Jesus Christ. He is my brother, my Savior and my Redeemer. And I love him.
So this is me being honest. This is me telling my story, as to help heal myself. I am thankful for all I have, and I love my sweet precious children. And I pray and hope that soon, I can be the mother that they deserve. And until then, I will rely on my family and my Savior to help me become me again.

Friday, November 18, 2011

I am a Christian

I have told you all before that I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Or as the world would call me, I am a Mormon. Lately our church has been splattered on the news as many things that we are not. Such as a "cult", which we are not. Are we polygamists, NO! We have been painted as intolerant and hateful, which we are not. Of course there are things our church does not allow, but that does not mean we don't love and respect others. But every religion has things that it will not allow, we are not different in that sense. We different in the sense that we do not conform to the changes of the times. What is taught is always the same and will not change. We will hold steadfast to what we believe and know to be true.

One thing that has been said a lot lately, is that Mormon's are not Christians! How could this ever be assumed?! The title of our church holds the Sacred name of Jesus Christ. So why are we being labeled as a Non-Christian faith? I really do not understand it. It cuts me to the very core and saddens me that someone would really believe that we are not Christians. Because we are, and we always have been, and we always will be. Jesus Christ is the center of our faith. He is our Redeemer, our Savior, our Messiah, our Brother, and Friend. He bled from every pore, and he died to save us all. I know he loves me. He has buoyed me up in my darkest hours. He has given me strength in my weaknesses. He has never left me alone and he never will. This I know. So why would am I called a Non-Christian? This I cannot understand. And as I sit here and write. I realize that it does not really matter whether others believe that I am a Christian. What matters is that I KNOW that I AM A CHRISTIAN. And I always will be.

I hope you enjoy this song with pictures of My Savior, Our Savior.

Saturday, November 5, 2011


Hello on this snowy Utah morning. This is to my friends who are not members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And for those who are, but may be struggling in the faith. I am going to start by giving you my testimony.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know it to be true. I know that Joseph Smith knelt down at the tender age of 14 and with a sincere heart prayed unto Heavenly Father about which church to join, and though as he tried to speak and was bound by the adversary, a pillar of light, that defies all description descended upon him. And there standing before him was Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ. The Father spoke to Joseph saying, "This is my beloved Son, Jesus Christ. Hear him." And I know that Joseph was told to join none of the churches, but that he was to restore the true gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth in this last dispensation. I know this. I know that The Book of Mormon is another true testament of our Savior. I know that the words in this beloved book are true. I know that it is through our Savior that we are saved in this life. That through his atonement that we can become clean and forgiven of our sins. I know this. I know this all to be true. I know that we must all try to be like Jesus. I know that he loves us all and wants us to come unto him. And I know that I must do whatever I can to help those who do not know him, to come to a knowledge of him, to feel his love and the light he offers.

This video I am sharing is one of true greatness. I hope that my friends who do not understand what the Book of Mormon is will watch this. I hope you can feel the peace this book can offer. This man is truly a remarkable man and missionary of Christ.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Do You Believe?

Do you believe? This is a question that has been circling in my mind for a few days now. Something that has kept me thinking. And I asked myself, Do I believe?

I do believe. I believe that our Savior, Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I believe that he walked the earth and taught the people. Think about that, imagine what it must have been like for those people. How blessed they were to have the Savior on the earth in their time. To see him, to possibly touch him. And to hear and drink in his teachings. What a glorious time it must have been. But, also a hard time as there was much opposition against our Savior. But he was a humble loving and peaceful man, and knowing that, I wonder how anyone would ever want to spit on him, hurt him and in the end kill him? Though these things needed to happen for God's plan to move forward, it is still something I will never understand in this life. But I know it had to happen so that we could all be forgiven of our sins that we will and do commit in this life, so that we can return to live with our Father in Heaven.

So do you? Do you believe? Do you believe that Jesus Christ suffered for all mankind? Do you believe that he died for all of us?

In this video Elder Jeffrey R. Holland expresses some of his feelings of the Savior. It is hard not to feel of the truth of his words, and the spirit that radiates from his words.

I have many friends and family who do not believe as I do. Some who have completely turned their backs to all religion for reasons I do not understand. Some who just have another faith than I do. But when it all comes down to it. We are all sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father. And we are all brothers and sisters to our Savior Jesus Christ. And we all rely on him, whether we know we do or not. So I ask you, Do you believe?